I have a problem with the pushback against the phrase “Not All Men.” Many women took to twitter and other platforms with the tag “Yes All Women,” based on the comment that it’s true that not all men commit horrible hate crimes against women, but that all women have experienced them.

And I get that, I do. I get that saying “not all men” is because people want to protect their feelings, they don’t want to be lumped in with rapists and murderers, that really only a small percentage of people go the distance in their hatred and loathing and do incredibly awful things. I get that the point of “yes all women” is to point out that it doesn’t take a large percentage of men to make the world unsafe for women, that every day and every minute women are battling against the tides of oppressive fear and diminishment regardless of how many men are doing it. Enough men are doing it, and all women experience it.

But the problem I have with Yes All Women is the thing it doesn’t address, that Not All Men can stand for more than just Not All Men Are Rapists and Murderers.

Not All Men Stand Up For Women. Not even many men stand up for women. Yes All Women implies acceptance of the idea that it’s only a small percentage of men that are the problem, and frankly it’s not true.

Not All Men Stand Up to Their Peers. In fact, I have never seen a dude call out another dude in public. In fact, I have friends who continue to defend their friends or diminish or dismiss their awful behavior and ideas, which is what leaves me feeling unsafe and unprotected. Not that a small number of men might assault me, but that a large number of men do nothing to prevent it or discourage it.

Not All Men compared my desire for more types of female characters than Sexy Pew Pew Lasers Girl to their desire for caramel m&ms, and Not All Men told each other that that commentary is awful, reductionist, false equivalency bullshit.

That same Not All Man teaches his son not to fight like a girl, not to be a pussy, and in those ways teaches his son that women are small, weak objects. That same person who dismisses me, even in purported jest, is also teaching his son to dismiss women, that it’s okay to belittle and objectify women, that they are nothing, that women are nothing compared to All Men.

Not All Men broke into my house and raped me when I was ten years old in my own bed. Not All Men took me out when I was fourteen and put my hand on their dick when I didn’t want to.

No Men taught me I should have ripped it off when he put my hand on it.

Not All Men coerced me into sex one way or another throughout my life. Not All Men used guilt and shame and obligation. Not All Men wielded their social power, the idea that they were entitled to my sex and my body because common social mores state that if y0u’re in a relationship with a woman, she owes you sex whenever you want it but you owe her nothing.

Not All Men ever taught me that any of that was wrong. Not All Men taught each other to respect women the way they respect each other.

Not All Men referred to my pigtails as “fun handlebars.”

When I shaved my head, Not All Men told me it wasn’t very sexy. And when I replied that was fine, since I didn’t want to have sex with them, Not All Men turned red and embarrassed and somehow it was me who was apologizing for embarrassing them, Not All Men for making that horrible comment in the first place.

The problem I have isn’t that I think All Men are going to rape and murder me. I know Not All Men rape and murder. But I also know that Not All Men will stand up for me against even the most common and frequent of harrasment. Not Enough Men ever have.