This was the point where I asked my friends to keep an eye on me. I knew I needed help, and I was ready to go back to the doctor, and I felt terrible asking my friends to keep near me, that I was dangerous to myself. I felt terrible because I didn’t want my friends to be scared or hurt. All I wanted was for the pain to stop, and there was no way they could understand that, no way I could tell them I was doing everything to help myself without making them sad and hurt that I wanted to kill myself.

But I believed in my own cunning, and knew if I didn’t get my friends to watch me I’d find a way to kill myself without too much trouble.